CHICKEN WITH ITS HEAD CUT OFF

AVERAGE CAPE COD RESIDENT AWAITING HURRICANE IRENE

                        I GOT UP AT 5.  I PROBABLY HAD 6 HOURS SLEEP IF I'M LUCKY.  I TURNED ON THE TELEVISION TO MAKE SURE NYC WAS STILL IN ONE PIECE AND TO SEE IF THE HURRICANE HAD HIT THERE YET.  THE WINDS IN CAPE COD 2.5 MILES FROM VINEYARD SOUND WERE SWIRLING IN NOISY GUSTS.  HURRICANE IRENE WAS STILL IN ATLANTIC CITY.  IT MADE LANDFALL THERE AT 5:30 AM.   IRENE IS NOT GAMBLING IN AC BECAUSE ALL THE  CASINOS ON THE BOARDWALK  ARE CLOSED DOWN.  IRENE IS NOW A CATEGORY 1 HURRICANE AND HEADING FOR NYC SINCE THE CASINOS AREN'T OPEN.
                       THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAYS,TRAINS,BRIDGES AND AIRPORTS ARE CLOSED DOWN IN ADVANCE OF THE HURRICANE.  LOW LYING NEIGHBORHOODS WERE EVACUATED INCLUDING HOSPITALS.  IT'S NOW 8 AM.  NEW YORK WILL BE HIT AT 9.  THE HUDSON VALLEY AND BERKSHIRES WILL RECEIVE 10 INCES OF RAIN.  LANDFALL WILL BE NEAR BRIDEPORT IN CONNECTICUT AFTER IT HITS LONG ISLAND.  CAPE COD WILL GET 1 INCH OF RAIN AND 75MPH WIND GUSTS. 
                           SO I'VE BEEN HYPER REDECORATING MY HOUSE,BATTENING DOWN HATCHES THAT DON'T NEED MORE BATTENING AND ALL IN ALL OVER DOING IT.  MY HUSBAND IS STILL SOUND SLEEP.  HE HAD HIS HYPER FITS AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT WHEN HE TOOK BLUE RIBBON LIKE YOU WOULD USE ON WRAPPED PRESENTS TO ANCHOR DOWN HIS NEWLY PLANTED WEEPING CHERRY,JAPANESE RED MAPLE AND HEMLOCK TREES.  HE ATTACHED THE TREES TO LARGE ROCKS FROM THE ROCK GARDEN WITH BLUE RIBBON. 

MENAUHANT BEACH FALMOUTH,MA ON VINEYARD SOUND

                               SO WHO'S ONE FIRST?  I DON'T KNOW. HE'S ON SECOND.  WHAT?  WHAT'S ON THIRD.  SO WHO'S ON FIRST?  IT'S ALL STRAIGHT OUT OF DUMB AND DUMBER.  
         HANG  A BLUE RIBBON
           ON THE NEW YOUNG TREE
              IT'S BEEN 20 YEARS SINCE HURRICANE BOB
                     IRENE DO YOU STILL WANT ME?

YELLOW

MY FIRST CAR,COAT, KITCHEN, BEDROOM AND BOYFRIEND'S CORVETTE WERE ALL YELLOW.  YELLOW IS A SIGN OF HOPE.  I'M MARRIED TO A MAN WHO COMES FROM  A LONG LINE OF HATERS OF YELLOW.


SINCE WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE.  THAT MAKES LIFE HARD.

YELLOW SUBMARINE-LAHAINA,MAUI

IT'S NOT EASY BEING YELLOW

DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER

                               THE FULL MOON IS COMING.  THE MOON WAS SHINING ON VINEYARD SOUND LAST NIGHT.  THE COLLEGE LIGHT OPERA PRODUCTION OF ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Y COMDEN AND GREEN WAS BEYOND SUPERB.  EVERYONE WAS IN TUNE AND LOUD AND CLEAR.  THE PLOT AND DIALOGUE WEE DELICIOUS.  THE AMAZING ALMOST OPERA LIKE NUMBERS WERE EXCEPTIONAL IN WIT AND EXECUTION.  HE TAP DANCERS AS BELLHOPS TO THE BEAT OF THE TRAIN WERE INVENTIVE AND FUN.  IT REALLY SHOULD GO TO BROADWAY IMMEDIATELY. 
                                  SO WHY WOULD ANYONE LOSE THEIR TEMPER AFTER A NIGHT LIKE THAT?  THE FULL MOON IS COMING AND MY HOROSCOPE SAYS:  DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER.  THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO EAT ALOT  OF GARLIC AND KEEP THE EVIL SPIRITS AT BAY.  SO WWE ARE GOING ITALIAN.
               VOLARE AH AH OH.  CAMPARE AH UH OH.  NEL BLU DE PINTO DE BLU.  WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE AN OLD PIZZA PIE.  THAT'S AMORE!  OLEASE MR. COLUMBUS,TURNA THE SHIP AROUND. WHY YAH TELLA ISABELLA THAT THE WORLD WS ROUND.  CHIS GONNA DISCOVER RAY CHARLES!
                          CIAO BAMBINO
                              CIAO BELLA
                                        LUGOSI THAT IS
  IT'S THE FULL MOON
                  SO HOWL

FALMOUTH ROAD RACE ON FULL MOON

                       BUT DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER!       

WHO CARES?

                          REALLY WHO REALLY REALLY CARES?  RUTH BADER IS ON THE SUPREME COURT.  ELEANOR ROOSEVELT WAS MARRIED TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE USA.  BARBARA WALTERS HAS A LISP.  JUDGE JUDY AND LARRY KING ARE TWINS.  SARAH JESSICA PARKER WAS DECLARED THE UGLIEST ACTRESS IN HOLLYWOOD GETS SECOND TO ANGELINA JOLIE IN WAGES FOR A FILM.  OPRAH IS THE SIZE OF A HOUSE AFTER 50 DIETSTHE HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS,NY,NJ,THE MAFIA AND ATLANTA RULE THE AIRWAVES.  THE JERSEY SHORE CROWD IS IN FLORENCE,ITALY OUT MEDICIING THE MEDICIS.  WHO CARES?
                          NOW THAT'S THE MESSAGE-WHO REALLY,REALLY DOES?  AND WHY?

WHO CARES?

THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF.  HELEN MIRREN AGE 66 HAS THE BEST BODY ACCORDING TO LA FITNESS. 

THE RELUCTANT COOK

                  ANY TIME THERE'S NO FOOD POISONING, IT'S A  GOOD MEAL is the motto of all RELUCTANT COOKS.  RETCHING,VOMITING, DIARHHEA AND DOUBLING OVER WITH STOMACH PAINS ARE SIGNS OF AN UNSUCCESSFUL COOKING ATTEMPT.  OTHERWISE THE QUALITY OF THE MEAL IS IN THE EYES AND PALATE OF THE CONSUMER.  LACK OF TASTEBUDS OR INORDINATE HUNGER ARE THE BEST DINERS FOR A RELUCTANT COOK.  
                     FROZEN FOOD OR CANNED IS PREFERRED OVER FRESH.  NO SPOILAGE  OR MOLD  NOTHING NEEDS TO BE DISPOSED OF UNLESS THE ELECTRICITY GOES OUT OR THE CANNED FOOD IS DENTED OR RUSTED.  PREPARED FOODS ARE EASY AND HAVE GREAT VARIETY INCLUDING ITALIAN, MEXICAN AND GOOD OLD FASHIONED AMERICAN LIKE MAMA USED TO MAKE.  THEY ARE NOTHING LIKE THE OLD TV DINNERS YOU ATE ON YOUR SNACK TABLES.  TAKEOUT OR LEFTOVERS ARE AN EXCELLENT ALTERNATIVE.
                      THE RELUCTANT COOK HAS DOMINO'S PIZZA AND THE LOCAL CHINESE RESTAURANT ON SPEED DIAL.  POWDERED MILK OR CREAMER WILL NEVER SPOIL UNLESS THE ROOF LEAKS OR THERE IS A FLOOD.  FOR A GOURMET MOMENT INTERNATIONAL DELIGHT OR CREMORA WILL DO.
                           SO EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY FOR TOMORROW WE DIE(OF FOOD POISONING IF THE RELUCTANT COOK DECIDES TO COOK FROM SCRATCH.  A BEEFEATER IS NEEDED TO AVOID FOOD POISONING.  IF THERE'S NO LIVE BEEFEATER AVAILABLE USE  A HEAVY DOSE OF THE BOTTLED GIN FORM.). 
                             

IF YOU DON'T COOK,YOU HAVE MORE TIME TO PLAY

                                                  CHEERS